Television

My name is Jeff and I am a television addict." I can picture my first visit to the televisionaholics anonymous meeting. Well, I am not quite so bad that I must join TA. Of course, all of us "aholics" say we are not so addicted to those things to which we are addicted.

We can all give up "x," or "y" or "z" any time we want.

For instance, I might say, "Just let me watch The Simpsons, Family Guy and King of the Hill and I'll let American Dad go by the wayside this week, just to prove how I can handle this habit."

Let's go beyond the question of how many hours I watch TV. There are other issues as I saunter through this 375-word column to entertain readers with words this week.

The writers' strike perplexed me, because I am a writer. I live in Florida, though, and so I cannot strike. There is no union for journalists. Besides, reporters are a dime a dozen...

Back to television, the Dish Network's DVR machinery makes me happy, because I can "tape" programs without having to set up a tape.

The DVR mechanism lets me watch Lost, Stargate Atlantis, Boston Legal, Reno 9-1-1, Heroes, The Office, Jericho, 30 Rock, Rescue Me, Monk, Psych and My Name is Earl even though I go to sleep relatively early. Some say DVR is better than TIVO. I don't know.

Some say satellite is better than cable. In my opinion, cable is better. I note this because I live in Florida and the clouds and rain actually wipe out satellite reception.

Did I switch channels on you, dear readers, as I flipped from a writers' strike to some satellite machinery that enables my addiction? Yes, and I hope you enjoyed this cleverness.

In any event, while this sport of watching television is somewhat less than helpful in reducing my middle-age paunch, I like it. Yes, a stationary bicycle to power a generator that powers the TV would help me lose pounds.

By the way, television synchronizes a person's alpha waves. I must watch more TV to keep my writing less jumpy.

Jeff M. Hardison is a staff writer with the Chiefland Citizen. He may be contacted at news@chieflandcitizen.com or by calling (352) 493-4796.