Take easy way to lose your driver’s license

So you have your driver’s license.  May I first say congratulations on your efforts and achievements.  Now that you have possession of the little piece of plastic, however, do you know what to do with it?  Probably not. This is a frequent problem among beginning drivers, which is why I have taken the time to write out a few helpful tips on how to lose your license.

Let us begin with driving procedures.  Proper driving procedures are the first and most important step to losing your license.  If you do not pay close attention to the information I am providing, you may find yourself a lonely, loser with a license.

Upon taking a seat inside your vehicle, I would suggest, do not buckle your seat belt. Seat belts are inconvenient, making it nearly impossible to dig for your favorite CD in the backseat while driving down the road.  Another reason why you may want to think twice before buckling up is that you don’t get to hear your car going “ding, ding, ding” every five minutes.  I don’t know about my fellow  Americans, but this harmless noise keeps me from getting lonely on long trips down the interstate

In order to prevent becoming lonely or even bored, you may also want to set up a simple gaming system or TV in your vehicle to have at hand for long trips.  These devices work out perfectly because everyone knows that passengers can be a distraction and hazardous while driving.  More driving rules you may want to take into consideration are, “he who drives slowest finishes last” and “he who is least patient has the right-of-way.”  To explain further, speed limits are more like guidelines and stop signs are more like suggestions.  

Typically, it is better to sleep until the last minute and push the pedal to the metal than it is to be sleep deprived.  I say this because if you wait until the last minute you will be sharper, and less likely to fall asleep at the wheel.  The extra sleep will allow you to handle your car at an excessive speed without a problem.  When you’re running late, I would also suggest that you ignore stop signs.  After all, other drivers will be stopped and they should see that you are not stopping.  The courteous thing for these drivers to do will be to let you by, which I fully expect they will do.

There are some games that people like to play while driving that are sure to dig some deep holes for you. One game, I like to call “Got’em”.  Got’em is a fairly simple game. All you have to do is watch the side of the road at all times and when you see a bicyclist, pedestrian, et cetera, you simply swerve off to the side a little, hit them, and yell, “Got’em!”  

Another pastime played quite frequently is the ABC game.  Since winning is everything, the only suggestion that I have for you while playing the ABC game: disregard the road and what is happening around you.  It is of dire importance that you find a word beginning with every letter in the alphabet first or you will lose!  No one wants that to happen.

If for some unimaginable reason you feel that you aren’t capable of losing your license once you have it, there is a second option which is, in fact, even better.  

Let’s go over how to fail your test. Once again, first you should not buckle your seat belt.  Also you should consider wearing flip-flops, not stopping at stop signs or red lights, backing into another vehicle, running into the building, speeding, texting your best friend to tell her how it’s going, or whipping out a Big Mac.  If you follow these carefully written instructions any driver should be able to lose a driver’s license with class, making an officer’s head spin or sending your testing agent running.

       Erika Drummons is a senior at Chiefland High School..